Another World Cup Group Wrap-Up

June 26, 2010

This has been such an interesting World Cup. It hasn’t been the most exciting, nor the most dramatic, but it has been one of complete intrigue.

I’m sure anyone who is reading this has read a million post-group stage reviews but I’m doing one anyway.

I also apologise for the lack of formality and lack of writing style with my World Cup articles. When the Cup is over I will start writing more serious, less sweary and more coherent pieces. As well as that, hopefully more often and on more subjects.

Until then the World Cup is all consuming.

So group by group I’m going to talk about some highs and lows on and off the pitch.

Group A.
South Africa became the first host national to never progress past the group stage but the country can still hold their head high. For me one of the games of the tournament was the opening game against Mexico, it wasn’t brilliant football but it was dreadfully entertaining. For a team so far out of their depth in an international tournament they performed admirably and with high spirits, only being denied a pass to the knockout stages due to goal difference. Being the host nation probably meant they played better then normal but you can’t deny them anything.

Uruguay look impressive and have been one of the stand out teams for me. Their group turned out to be pretty bloody easy due to the complete clusterfuck of the French, but they have played well as a squad and will only improve in the round of 16 as they adapt to a higher level of football.

Mexico are only in the next round because of France. France… What a monumentally slapstick pantomime performance they put on. A group of Gallic morons lead by the dimwitted and disgustingly behaved manager Raymond Domenech. Petulant continentals…
Complete justification for their qualification thievery, it would have been a better World Cup if Ireland had rightfully been given their place. How dare that astrological cock-jockey try to lecture and refuse to shake hands with Mexican manager Aguirre after their match.

If I rant anymore about the French I’m going to end up chopping someones head off in a guillotine and shoving a baguette down their neck.

Group B.
My god Argentina look the business… What an impressive display of attacking football, their 7 goals could have been 20. Messi has created, Higuain has been scoring for fun and their passing has been complete through the midfield. The only concern I have is their defence which might be found wanting when it counts in the final stages. That and you can’t rely on Maradona not to do something stupid like run on the field and pull someone’s pants down.

I just don’t see them mucking this one up…though its always on the cards with the Argentinians.

I love the South Korean side. They work hard and their dogged (I wasn’t going for a Korea and Dog eating pun but I did it somehow) determination is reminiscent of when they shocked the World in 2002, albeit actually conceding goals this time.

Nigeria will prefacing all talk about this World Cup for years to come with “If only”. After a good showing against Argentina in their opening game they somehow lost to the disgrace to the beautiful game that is the Greek team and only drew with the Koreans. They had the skill during their games and it showed, but deliver on it they did not.

I’m not even going bother talking about Greece.

Group C.
Credit where credit is due, The United States of America are starting to look formidable. Helped by an abject English side, they ended up topping the group and now face an easier path through to the knockout stages. In the end, the two teams who should have got through did. It’s amazing to see how the USA are reacting to the World Cup. They seem to have got on board with the global game but as we know, they’ll probably lose all interest soon after an inevitable defeat down the track. Perhaps though, just perhaps, this may cause a revolution in American Soccer and it could be a catalyst for future success in a sport they have every ability in which to dominate. Not likely though.

England. I’m sorry but what the fuck? You know who England are, that ultra smart but lazy kid in school who had the ability to be whatever they want but instead they dont care, skip school and smoke bongs behind the sheds. I don’t buy this whole weight of expectation bullshit and pressure from the tabloid press. Get your head out of your arse and play football the way you should. Absolutely zero excuses.

Slovenia and Algeria… Meh.

Group D.
What a group this turned out to be and that’s not down to the bias I hold for Australia. Germany managed to get through only losing one of their games and got off to a good start against the Socceroos.

I love the fact Ghana are through. It is a shame that they are the only African team to progress and it’s damn important they do well for the game in that continent.

Serbia were a let down, tons of raw potential not gelling together when it counted. Credit to the Socceroos for coming back from the massive thrashing they succumbed to against the Germans and harsh sending off’s to Cahill and Kewell, two incredibly key players. The loss of two goal scorers made the final difference after being knocked out on goal difference.

In the end the two teams who should gone through have and it’s good for football that an African team made it.

Group E.
The Netherlands are as big a tease in World Football as the Amsterdam prostitutes in street windows which make the country famous. We’ve seen this before. The Dutch are notorious for doing what the French have done in this World Cup, implode. Like they did at Euro 2008, they impressed in the group stage and showed signs of getting it together. I’m not falling for it again. Oh screw it, with an easy draw in the knockout stage I’m on the band wagon! I’ll be let down I’m sure. Stupid Dutch.

It was sad to see Cameroon do so badly, with so much hope of progression to lose all 3 games was not fantastic. Japan on the other hand fully deserve second spot in the group after the neurotic performances of the Danes.

This was the only group to have no draws in a tournament which has so far had nearly nothing but.

Group F.
The most exciting team in group F was undoubtably the New Zealanders, 3 games and 3 draws, each of which they had a great chance of winning if they had a bit more to their squad.

Italy were shown for the aging pretenders they are with a pathetic display of soullessness.

Paraguay need to go up a gear if they want to make an impact in the next round even though they showed the World how good they can be. Plus I’d like to see them go through because of the players names which are fun to say out loud with rolling R’s and bravado. Slovakia basically are in the next round by default.

Group F had 2 games with winning results. Enough said really.

Group G.
Brazil and Portugal are the two teams through over Ivory Coast and North Korea. I would have loved to seen Ivory Coast go further then what they did but it was a tough group and they were a rightful third. North Korea … well … lets just say it’s Kim Jong il media lockdown time in North Korea. After a gallant effort against an still undercooked Brazil side in the first game they were exposed by Portugal and Ivory Coast.

People are having a go at Brazil for not playing the attacking football that has made them so admired and famous. Dunga is copping slack for playing a different type of formation, but you know what, don’t listen to it. This Brazilian side is very different to previous ones and they have a style of play that is physical and direct and I think it will help them go all the way.

The last game of the group was Brazil v Portugal with pundits talking it up as a cracker, but it turned out to be a real turgent affair. What did people expect from Brazil after already qualifying? Some in the press have slammed them for it but Portugal were the real disgrace. They had a chance to top the group but they just sat back and accepted a draw. Christiano Ronaldo needs to stand up and be counted. 80 million quid? Prove it.

Group H.
Shock of the tournament so far is undoubtably the Swiss beating the favourites Spain. Spain did recover however to top the group fairly comfortably followed by the amazing team of Chile.
Even at 10 men in their final group game they made the favoured Spain look silly at times. Spain are not at top gear yet but then again neither are Chile. Both sides look like going far in the Cup.

Switzerland and Honduras? See Algeria and Slovenia in group c.

Highlights:

South Africa as a host. Things haven’t gone perfectly, they were never going to, but it has definitely been an unqualified success for the nation and continent regardless of how many teams from Africa have progressed.
South America. Making Europe look like a relic since 2010. The USA. The propaganda moment of the tournament with the North Korean crying during the national anthem was amazing. The Socceroos. Argentina. Chile. Relatively full stadiums. The England fan getting into the dressing room and giving their overpaid prima donnas a spray. Twitter.

Lowlights:
Vuvu-motherfucking-zelas, The 9:30pm-6am time slot for games here in Australia; I’m losing my mind. Diving, Feigning injury. France. Italy. Bad referee’s. Draws. Timid football. Cagey attacks. Twitter.

The Knockout Stage.
A tasty menu of games is on the menu in the round of 16 with the highlights being USA v Ghana, England v Germany, Spain v Portugal and Brazil v Chile.

I’m not going to predict any of them except I hope we see an incredibly high standard of jaw dropping beauty.